


Weight and making things right

by Crown_of_Violets



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode 3x18 promo speculation, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 22:20:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18417014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crown_of_Violets/pseuds/Crown_of_Violets
Summary: The thing is, Magnus can survive without him.





	Weight and making things right

The thing is, Magnus can survive without him.

Magnus has survived without him.

Magnus has looked at a potential future without their relationship, and actively chosen that future: he had eyed the scales, held his hands out in balance, weighed leadership of the downworld against a life with Alec, and decided on leadership. Decided against Alec, or rather, decided that Alec was the more bearable loss. 

(Alec, for all his foolhardy pushing forward, for all his asking, for all his big-eyed requests to take Next Steps, has not actually forgotten that he had to ask, request, beg Magnus to get back together.)

Alec has not forgotten that, while he has stated out loud the truth writ indelible in his veins - "I don't think I can live without you"... Magnus can. 

Magnus has seen an end to their relationship, had once chosen to end their relationship, had lived on after their relationship, and had been okay. 

Magnus can live without him. 

But he doesn't think that Magnus can live without his magic. 

He's jealous, over that, sharp and hot and narrow and slicing and only a microsecond long, instantly snuffed by a mass of shame and resolution, because he truly does want Magnus to be happy. Jealous, because Magnus might weep over them, but he wouldn't be undone; not like he is now. And Alec wouldn't want him to be undone! He wants Magnus to be happy! 

(He just also wanted Magnus to be happy with him.) 

Being jealous of a concept, of magic, is ridiculous. 

(And so was believing Magnus when he said "I have everything I need right here".)

(Ridiculous, and arrogant, and selfish, and shameful, and...) 

And Magnus can survive without Alec. He can be happy without Alec. He can go on and find love and just because nephilim love once doesn't mean warlocks do and Magnus can be happy and Magnus isn't happy like this, with him. 

Magnus can survive without Alec. But Magnus can't survive without magic. 

The choice is obvious. 

He feels so small, so horribly, pathetically grateful that he won't have to see how obvious the choice would be for Magnus, too. 

Magnus once said that Alec would blow up the ground he stood in to make things right. 

Alec can make things right. 

It's going to cost him his world, but he can make things right.


End file.
